no, he came in my armpit
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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