Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize