someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
