just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
