You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
