i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
