No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
