i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We are all done wearing pants today
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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