1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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