His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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