We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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