How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It all started with a game of naked twister.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
