Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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