ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
