I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize