You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
