Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
