just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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