how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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