i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
