Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
A bitchslap is in order.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
