My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
