honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
