Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
