just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We were destined to go to rehab together
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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