I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
