zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
