ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
