508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
