not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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