First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
