Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
