He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She bit a glass in half.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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