I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
