Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize