I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
