when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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