I'm laying in your front yard are you home
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
