Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
