so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
