So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
