South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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