Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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