Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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