You can't special order awesome
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
