Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
