if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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