Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
