Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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