Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize