I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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