Did I show you my penis last night?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
