What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
