My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
