I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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