Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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