we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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