I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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