birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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