I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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