reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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