I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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