she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
