When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
