The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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