Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
